My firstborn, Daniel, will be turning one soon. Even though I always tease my husband for being so emotional over a birthday, the truth is, I’m just as emotional. I’m only now realizing how much Daniel has grown as a person. These days, I often catch myself staring at my precious little boy or feel a sudden urge to just hug and kiss him while he’s playing. Looking back though, I feel like I’ve grown as a mum too. While I can’t turn back time, I have listed five things I wished I knew about being a first-time mum:

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Giving birth is a life-changing experience. I thought I’d be okay but I struggled emotionally. The first few days were hectic because Daniel was diagnosed with jaundice. After a month of daily visits to clinics and hospitals, Daniel finally recovered and things started to calm down. Sadly, spending my days alone with him made me feel worthless.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my son dearly but being a stay-at-home mum wasn’t my plan. With everyone’s focus on Daniel, I started feeling lonely too. Ironically, when people did ask about my wellbeing, I pretended to be okay. I didn’t think they would understand what I was going through.

One day, my mum hugged and reminded me that I wasn’t alone. I had family and friends who love and support me unconditionally. Most importantly, she was proud of me for trying to be the best mum for Daniel. Mothers, they always know how to make you feel better.

DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF

Babies are unpredictable. Sure, there’s a set routine like meal and nap times but there’s no telling when your baby will have a crying fit or worse, a diaper explosion. Being so used to planning my days ahead and following it to a T, these unexpected situations stress me out.

I remember breaking down when Daniel refused to put on his pants after his bath – we were late to a wedding. My husband hugged me tightly and said, “The wedding can wait. It’s not every day Daniel has this much fun swinging his pants in the air”. Daniel laughing hysterically in his diaper was definitely a sight to see, alright.

I also realized that what I want for Daniel might not necessarily be what he needs. That flashy singing toy car may be nice to have but your baby would enjoy a normal toy car just the same.

My point is, try to enjoy your time with your baby because when you start worrying about every little thing, you will miss out on special once-in-a-lifetime moments. I still get anxious and frustrated sometimes when things don’t go according to plan but I’m slowly learning that these detours often result in something better – except diaper explosions. Nothing good ever comes out of that.

IT IS NOT A COMPETITION

While I was pregnant with Daniel, I promised myself that I wouldn’t compare him with other babies but with social media around, it was hard not to. I was concerned about his progress. Where is his first tooth? Why hasn’t he said Mama yet? Why isn’t he walking? It also didn’t help when a relative or friend made passing comments about Daniel’s toothless smile when he was 7 months or the fact that their child could already walk.

However, I felt relieved after consulting a paediatrician. The doctor and nurses stressed that each baby progresses at their own pace. As long as Daniel is happy, healthy and hitting his milestones, I shouldn’t be worrying unnecessarily.

They are right. Daniel will get there when he’s ready. Until then, I’ll continue to cheer him on and enjoy his spit bubbles.

MOTHERHOOD IS A LEARNING PROCESS

“What does he want?” is a question I dread the most, especially at social gatherings because the fact is, I don’t know. I feel like I’m constantly playing a guessing game in my head: is Daniel hungry? Does his diaper need changing? Maybe he’s just bored and wants to play? I don’t know!

While all this was happening in my head, I’m faced with stares from relatives or friends, all waiting for an answer. How can I not know, though? Daniel’s my son. Oh, the pressure of being a mother is so intense! How does my mum do it?!

Her answer though is simple – practice and experience. No matter how much readings and preparations you do, you might find yourself in a situation where you just don’t know what to do.

First of all, acknowledge that you don’t know everything. Second, accept that it’s okay to NOT know everything. Motherhood is a constant, hands-on learning process where experience is pretty much your best teacher. You will always face challenges as a mum but it will get easier without the added pressure.

ONE SIZE DOESN’T FIT ALL

I was told by nurses and friends that solid food is generally introduced to babies at 6 months of age. Since I’m not exactly the world’s best cook I thought I should prepare myself.

Unfortunately, the more I read, the more lost I became. I felt overwhelmed. There was just too much information! I decided to turn to my mum friends for help. While they did try their best to help, I noticed that their methods didn’t suit my lifestyle.

I also noticed that their child’s palette is different from Daniel’s. That’s when it hit me; what works for others may not work for you and vice versa. While there are common factors, we must acknowledge that every mother’s journey is unique.

Above all, do whatever you and your baby are comfortable with because, at the end of the day, you know what’s best for yourselves.