“It’s not about being a hero. It’s about doing the right thing. Even when it’s hard.”
— The Pursuit of Happyness (2006)
Fatherhood today is exactly that: doing the right thing, even when it’s hard.
In the beautiful chaos of raising children, it’s easy to forget that fathers, too, carry a quiet weight. They’re expected to be emotionally present, financially steady, hands-on at home, and productive at work, often all at once. They’re doing more than ever. But here’s the part we don’t discuss enough: they also burn out. And while mums are (rightly) championed for the invisible labour they do, dads often feel they need to “man up” and carry on in silence.
So instead of asking dads to tough it out, maybe it’s time we ask a different question: Who’s taking care of Dad?
The Silent Struggles of Fatherhood
A 2024 study, focused on fathers in Tanzania, published in BMJ Open1, explored the mental health challenges faced by fathers of young children, and the results were eye-opening. The research revealed that many dads experience heightened levels of stress, anxiety, and even depression, particularly during the early years of parenting. The struggles it uncovered, financial pressure, family illness, relationship strain, and the weight of fatherhood expectations, are experiences shared by dads worldwide, including here in Malaysia.
Sadly, many fathers reported turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as alcohol or emotional shutdowns, simply because they lacked the tools or safe spaces to process what they were feeling.
Contrarily, some did find healthier ways to cope through support from family and friends, faith, or small moments of solitude and self-care. The findings make one thing clear: supporting dads’ mental wellbeing is not a luxury; it is a necessity.
Signs Dad Might Be Running on Empty
Sometimes, the signs of burnout in fathers aren’t loud or dramatic; they are quiet, subtle, and easy to miss. But if you or your partner start noticing these patterns, it might be time to pause and check in.
Irritability or withdrawal – Snapping easily or pulling away from conversations and family time.
Avoiding activities – Skipping family outings or social events he used to enjoy.
Constant fatigue – Feeling tired all the time, even after a good night’s sleep.
Lack of motivation – Going through the motions but feeling emotionally checked out.
Feeling overwhelmed – Struggling with basic tasks or getting easily stressed by small things.
What a Mental Break Looks Like for Dads (And Why It’s Not Selfish)
Taking a break doesn’t mean checking out; it means checking in with yourself. For dads who are constantly juggling responsibilities, a mental break is not a luxury; it’s a form of maintenance. These small moments of pause can help fathers feel more grounded, emotionally present, and reconnected with themselves and their families.
Here’s what a mental reset can look like:
- A solo coffee (or dessert) run for just 20 minutes of quiet without guilt
- A few hours to cycle or play futsal with friends
- Quiet time to read, game, or simply be alone without any demands
- A full day off: no chores, no childcare, just undisturbed R and R
Rest isn’t selfish. It’s productive. A well-rested dad is a better listener, partner, and parent. Giving him space to recharge benefits the whole family.
How Families Can Support Dad’s Mental Health
Mental wellness isn’t a solo journey; it’s a team effort. Families play a crucial role in creating space for dads to breathe, reflect, and reset. It starts by normalising rest. Remind the dads in your life that taking breaks is not a sign of weakness or laziness, but it’s necessary for long-term well-being.
Don’t just assume he’s okay. Check in regularly with a simple, “How are you doing?” and be ready to listen. Share the mental and physical load at home, too. Splitting housework and parenting duties more evenly can make a world of difference.
Encourage him to maintain real friendships and social connections, whether it’s weekly futsal or a catch-up session with other dads. And lastly, celebrate the small things. A little appreciation can go a long way in reminding him that his efforts are seen, valued, and deeply loved, not just on Father’s Day, but every day.
Reference:
1. Fathers’ mental health and coping strategies: a qualitative study in Mwanza, Tanzania: BMJ Open
