How to Reduce Stress of Infertility

How to Reduce Stress of Infertility

sad couple

Infertility is a medical condition that can touch every aspect of your life.

From the way you feel about yourself, to your relationship with your spouse, to your overall perspective on living. It can also be particularly stressful that it creates a great deal of uncertainty and emotional upheaval in a couple’s day-to-day world.

If you have been struggling with infertility, you are probably no stranger to stress.

But as overwhelming as your situation may seem at times, there are ways to reduce your anxiety.

Here are some steps to focus attention on your mind and body to bring a calmer perspective to your life.

 

Admit your feelings

crying couple

 

The first step in reducing stress is to understand that what you are feeling is completely normal. Going through infertility tests and procedures month after month can be emotionally, physically, and financially draining. And feeling as if you have no control over your body or the ultimate outcome of your treatments can be stressful and debilitating as well. For many couples, wanting a biological child has been a lifelong dream. But due to infertility that dream has been shattered or at least temporarily put on hold.

 

Infertility creates a great deal of uncertainty and emotional upheaval in a couple’s day-to-day world that consequently increases the stress level. Let’s find out what you can do about it!

 

 

Share your concerns and doubts

couple consultation

 

As you deal with infertility, it helps to have people around who can help answer your questions, be sensitive to your feelings, and understand your fears and concerns. You may want to speak with a counselor or a specialist or join an infertility support group in your area. By meeting other infertile couples, you will be assured that you are not alone.

 

And, most of all, you will find other like-minded people who share your problems, feelings, and concerns.

 

 

Express your feelings of anger and disappointment

unhappy couple

 

By all means, do not try to repress your feelings of anger, guilt, or sorrow. If you need to cry about the ‘unfairness’ of another pregnancy or birth announcement, you may go ahead and do so. If you are angry and need to pound a pillow or hit a punching bag, go ahead and release your pent-up anger as well. If possible, try to plan a time each day when you can spend 30 to 40 minutes focusing on your feelings about infertility, and let the feelings come out. By addressing and releasing your emotions, you are likely to feel much better and have more energy to cope.

 

Even though you hope to have a successful pregnancy, your unconscious mind has already begun grieving for the biological child you have not yet had. Since unresolved grief can be a major source of anxiety, you will have to go through a period of mourning in order to feel better again.

 

Think of this period as ‘grieving a dream’. Whether you talk to your spouse or to a trusted friend, or simply write down your feelings, be sure to acknowledge and work through your grief and then let it go.

 

 

Jot it down

woman writing

 

A journal can be a comforting friend who is never too angry, upset, or busy to listen. Best of all, it is available at 3 a.m., when you would not dream of calling a friend. As you record your thoughts, you may also uncover some insights you did not know you had. You can also create a personal blog on some of the websites for free. Sometimes you can also get feedback or advice from others regarding your concerns when they read your blog.

 

Keep in touch with family and friends

couple with friends

 

Another step in reducing stress is to build a bridge back to your family and close friends. Though you may feel a strong connection toward friends or acquaintances that are having fertility problems, it also helps to allow those who are closest to you to offer their love and support. If your friends and relatives are uninformed about infertility, you will need to educate them about what you are going through. You might recommend a good book on the subject, explain how certain remarks are insensitive (even if they are unintentional), or let your loved ones know how you want to be treated. For instance, you might say, “Let me cry when I’m upset” or “I can’t really talk about baby showers right now.”

 

By meeting other infertile couples, you will be assured that you are not alone. And, most of all, you will find other like-minded people who share your problems, feelings, and concerns.

 

Talk to your spouse

couple reconnect

 

Infertility can take a toll on a marriage, often causing unspoken resentment, feelings of inadequacy, sexual pressure, and tension between couples. What’s more, a man and a woman might respond differently to the crisis, with men acting more emotionally distant and women more openly distraught. If you feel that the stress of infertility is causing a rift between you and your spouse, it may help to seek out counselling. Even a few sessions with a good counsellor who is knowledgeable about infertility can help you regain your footing as a couple and help you move forward together.

 

Reconnect with your spouse

young couple

 

Another way to reconnect with your spouse is by re-establishing intimacy in both non-sexual and sensual ways. For instance, you can make your spouse a special meal or drink, buy him a fun present, get tickets to a concert or athletic event, or simply hug, hold hands, go for a walk, or give and receive relaxing back rubs. You can also enjoy sensual contact that does not lead to intercourse, by taking a shower or bath together, or giving each other a massage.

 

 

Arm yourself with knowledge

couple using laptop

 

One of the worst instigators of stress is uncertainty about the future. And if you have been through many months, if not years, of infertility treatments, you have no doubt lived with uncertainty for a fairly long time. To alleviate some of your questions (and uncertainties) about the future, it helps to actively do some research on your present situation and options.

 

For instance, you can stay current on your medical condition and treatments, research all of your infertility options, and think about alternatives (such as adoption) and whether they would work for your family. Though you cannot gaze into a crystal ball and see the future, you can arm yourself with knowledge and achieve a certain peace of mind for now.

 

 

Involve yourself in activities that help you relax

relax

 

The best way to calm your anxiety and lift your spirits is to rely on tried-and-true coping strategies you have used in the past. Some people, for instance, find that taking an invigorating walk or starting a new hobby helps them release tension. Others discover that reaching out to loved ones, meditating, praying, consulting a therapist, joining a support group, exercising, doing yoga, or collecting information about their problem helps them to feel better.

 

Still others find solace in turning a negative situation into something positive or reminding themselves to ‘get through one day at a time.’ Experts advise that you find and plan to use at least two coping methods every day. They also suggest that you should not stop on the first day that you wake up feeling ‘normal’. Responses to infertility tend to fluctuate from day to day; and what seems like a respite of peace and calm can be upset by the onset of a menstrual period or another baby announcement. Using stress-management techniques on an ongoing basis, however, can help prevent anxiety from getting out of hand.

 

Breathe!

breathing

 

Another good way to calm down is by practising deep- breathing techniques, either alone or with your spouse. One exercise involves sitting comfortably, with your eyes closed, and taking long, slow, deep breaths. Breathe in and out through your nose (or in through your nose and out through your mouth), filling your diaphragm and chest with air. Feel the pleasure of filling yourself up slowly and calmly, then releasing the air.

 

Try this exercise for five minutes whenever you are anxious or with your spouse before talking about infertility. Being relaxed can make the conversation between the two of you feel less tense and more focused.

 

 

Watch what you eat!

As you have spent so much time, energy, and money on infertility treatments, you may have neglected your general health. It is possible, though, that at least some of your stress and malaise may be due to health factors, particularly your diet. If you are going through a period of tension and anxiety, try to cut down on your intake of sugar, salt, saturated fats, and white flour. You will also want to reduce or eliminate from your diet chemical additives, alcohol, and caffeine, including colas, coffee, black tea, and hot cocoa.

 

In the end, there may be days when nothing seems to work, and you will still feel drained and distraught. How do you get through these moments? Anticipate that times like these will occur, and try to accept them as best as you can. Also, take comfort in knowing that the coping skills and stress- management methods that you are learning now will hold you in good stead for years to come and may even prepare you for parenthood!

 

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