Parenting is the toughest job in the world!

In fact, we have come a long way be it in parenting philosophies or on psychology effects on children, health, education, and safety issues.

Parents these days play a critical role in promoting their children’s healthy development. Parents also are more protective of the psychological consequences of significant stress by helping them to regulate their emotions.

“The early years of a child’s life is crucial for their cognitive, behavioural, social and emotional development. It’s important to take steps to ensure the child grows up in an environment where their needs are met.” – Dr Aili Hanim Hashim,  Associate Professor from University Malaya Medical Centre

When your children are living in an emotional environment where anger, depressions, and violence fills the home, the child will experience a disturbance to their feelings, and emotions.

How you speak to your children also influence their emotions. Being cautious and conscious of what you say to your children is very important.

This will change their daily functions. You may not intentionally cause it, but to your child, it’s a scar that may not heal.

So, here are the 10 things you shouldn’t say to your child- ever!

 

#1 “Don’t be such a Drama Queen/ King”

Do not label your child as ‘dramatic’ or a ‘drama queen/king’ when they’re just trying to express themselves. ‘Jangan nak berdrama sangat!’- if this is your favourite phrase, it is best to avoid it from now on. It can have serious long-term consequences as children will always look to their parents to learn how to manage their emotions. So, as a parents, you must teach them that their feelings matter.

 

#2 “I Wish You’d Never Been Born”

OMG, no matter how frustrated you are with your child, it’s never acceptable to go as far as telling them that you wish they hadn’t been born. Jangan sesekali guna ayat ni mummies. When you’re feeling frustrated enough to say something this hurtful, simply remove yourself from the situation until you’ve cooled down enough to respond in a more level-headed manner.

 

#3 “You’re An Idiot”

This word is absolutely a forbidden word. Janganlah guna perkataan bodoh – you might be saying it in moments of frustration or anger, but the effect can last for many years and possibly can shift a child’s core beliefs about themselves in a negative direction.

 

#4 “You’re Such a Baby”

If you’re telling your child not to act like a baby – you’re so wrong! You can’t expect kids to act like adults because they’re not adults. If a child is doing a behavior that seems babyish, look at the situation because maturity comes from experience. Saying things like this can be damaging to children because it is invalidating their feelings.

 

#5 “You’re Fat”

Do you have a fat child in the house? What do you call him/her? Budak gemuk or bulat? All these words will destroy your child’s self-esteem. Children who are overweight or obese can benefit from nutritional changes and physical activities, but calling a child fat is hurtful and does nothing in providing guidance for how to lose excessive weight. Negative body labeling and shaming feed into a culture of disordered eating and unhealthy body images. Don’t ever say it!

 

#6 “You’re So Lazy”

Do kids act lazy from time to time? Sure. However, telling a kid that they are inherently lazy will only make them feel like there’s nothing they can do to change that.

Children are not lazy. Often, there’s an underlying reason as to why they aren’t able to accomplish what’s being asked of them. Parents attack a child’s self-esteem and self-worth with this statement. And let’s face it, none of us have ever been motivated to do better by being called pemalas!

 

 

#7 “I’m Disappointed in You”

These words are often spoken to kids at times when they already feel bad. Trying to make them responsible for your disappointment only adds to their pain. It’s okay to mess up, we all do. But if you want your children to learn from their mistakes, address their mess and how it can be fixed without hanging it on them. The label of failure is a heavy load to carry, and most kids won’t hold up.

 

#8 “I Don’t Think You Can Do It”

When you tell your children they can’t do something, you’re saying you don’t believe in them or don’t think they are as good as others. But each child needs to know that their parents love them and have confidence in them. You should look for what your children can do, not what they can’t. Knowing you believe in them gives your kids strength, courage, motivation, tenacity, and more.

 

#9 “You’re So Selfish”

While all kids can behave selfishly from time to time, telling them they are selfish can cause lifelong trauma. This is hurtful because the child learns to deny their needs and their self.  It’s important that parents are clear that they are disappointed with what the child did, not who they are as a person. This type of clarifying language is very important.

 

#10 “I Do Everything For You”

As much as it is true that parents do a lot for their children, constantly reminding them of it can make them feel like a burden rather than love. It’s usually said to discipline a child but is a rather hostile thing to say.

Instead, try saying: “We do things for you because we love you so please listen to me”. Lagi elok-kan?