The first thing she said to me was, “I think my body has failed my baby.”

 

She had a healthy newborn sleeping peacefully in her arms, but she could barely look at me. Her eyes were swollen from crying. She had barely slept for days. Every feed had become something she feared instead of something she looked forward to.

 

She told me she had tried everything.

 

She had searched Google, asked ChatGPT at two in the morning. She had watched countless videos on YouTube. Family members had told her the baby was still hungry. Friends had suggested formula. Social media told her to pump. Someone else told her to stop pumping.

 

By the time she came to see me, she was no longer asking, “How do I breastfeed?”

 

She was asking, “Why am I failing?”

 

The heartbreaking part?

 

She was not failing at all.

 

She was simply never taught.

 

Over the past 14 years, I have had the privilege of supporting more than 5,000 mothers through their breastfeeding journeys. Their stories are all different, yet they often begin in remarkably similar ways.

 

“I thought breastfeeding would come naturally.”

 

Somewhere along the way, we have convinced mothers that because breastfeeding is natural, it should also be easy.

 

I wish every mother knew this:

• Natural does not always mean instinctive.
• Walking is natural.
• Talking is natural.
• Parenting is natural.

Yet nobody expects us to master any of those overnight.

 

Breastfeeding should be no different.

 

 

The Lesson Nobody Teaches

Think about how much we prepare for childbirth. We attend antenatal classes. We write birth plans. We compare hospitals. We pack hospital bags weeks in advance. We install car seats before the baby even arrives.

 

But when it comes to breastfeeding, many parents leave the hospital believing they should simply know what to do.

 

The truth is that breastfeeding is a skill.

 

Your baby is learning how to latch, suck, swallow and breathe together for the very first time.

 

At exactly the same moment, you are learning how to hold your baby comfortably, recognise feeding cues, understand milk production, cope with sore nipples, trust your instincts and recover from childbirth.

 

You are both beginners.

 

Once parents understand this, something remarkable happens. They stop expecting perfection. They allow themselves permission to learn.

 

Everyone Had Advice. Nobody Had Answers.

One mother once laughed as she told me, “In three days I received ten different pieces of advice.”

 

Feed every two hours.

 

Feed on demand.

 

Pump after every feed.

 

Never pump.

 

Top up with formula.

 

Do not use bottles.

 

Give a pacifier.

 

Never use a pacifier.

 

She was exhausted.

 

Not because breastfeeding was impossible. Because she no longer knew who to believe.

 

I see this every week. Parents today have access to more information than ever before, yet many feel more confused than previous generations. Information is everywhere. Guidance is not.

 

Sometimes what a mother needs most is not another article or another social media video. She needs someone to sit beside her, watch a feed, answer her questions and reassure her that she is doing better than she thinks.

 

Breastfeeding Begins Before Baby Is Born

If there is one thing I could change, it would be this.

 

I wish every expectant parent prepared for breastfeeding with the same commitment they prepare for labour.

 

Not because breastfeeding has to be difficult. But because preparation creates confidence.

 

Knowing what cluster feeding looks like.

 

Understanding that tiny newborn stomachs need frequent feeds.

 

Recognising what is normal in the first few days.

 

Knowing where to seek help before challenges arise.

 

These simple things can completely change a family’s experience.

 

Preparation should also include fathers. Some of the most memorable moments in my consultations are not between mum and me. They are between mum and dad. When a father suddenly understands why his wife feels overwhelmed. When he realises that bringing her a glass of water, burping the baby after a feed or simply saying, “You’re doing an amazing job,” can make more difference than he ever imagined.

 

Breastfeeding is often described as something between a mother and her baby.

 

In reality, it is supported by an entire family.

 

 

Why Mothers Stop Earlier Than They Planned

People often assume mothers stop breastfeeding because they do not have enough determination.

 

That has never been my experience.

 

Most mothers desperately want breastfeeding to work. What they lack is not commitment. It is support. Pain.

 

Sleep deprivation.

 

A difficult latch.

 

Returning to work.

 

Conflicting advice.

 

The constant fear that their baby is not getting enough milk.

 

These are not signs of failure. They are challenges that deserve understanding and support.

 

When mothers receive the right guidance early, many of these obstacles become manageable. That is why asking for help should never be viewed as a last resort. It should be viewed as part of learning.

 

You Do Not Have to Reach Breaking Point

One of the biggest myths I hope we can change is the idea that mothers should only ask for help when everything has fallen apart.

 

Please don’t wait until every feed ends in tears.

 

Please don’t wait until you dread feeding your baby.

 

Please don’t wait until someone tells you to “just give up.”

 

Reach out early.

 

Sometimes all it takes is a small adjustment to positioning.

 

Sometimes it is understanding what normal newborn feeding really looks like.

 

Sometimes it is simply hearing someone say, “You are not failing.”

 

Those four words have brought more mothers to tears in my consultation room than I can count. Not because they were weak. Because they had been carrying the weight of unrealistic expectations alone.

 

 

Where Can Parents Turn for Help?

One question I encourage every expectant parent to ask before their baby arrives is, “If breastfeeding becomes difficult, who will I call?” Knowing where to turn before challenges arise removes so much fear.

 

Support may be available through your maternity hospital, Government Klinik Kesihatan or an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC), who has specialised training in breastfeeding care.

 

If the advice you receive leaves you feeling more confused than reassured, it is perfectly acceptable to seek a second opinion.

 

Parents deserve evidence based guidance that supports both mother and baby.

 

No family should feel that they have to figure everything out alone.

 

Success Looks Different for Every Family

One of the greatest lessons mothers have taught me is that there is no single definition of a successful breastfeeding journey.

 

Some mothers breastfeed directly.

 

Some exclusively pump.

 

Some combination feed.

 

Some breastfeed twins.

 

Some relactate after stopping.

 

Some experience unexpected medical challenges that completely change their plans.

 

Each journey deserves respect.

 

As healthcare professionals, our role is not to judge. It is to help families achieve the best possible outcome for their own circumstances with confidence, kindness and evidence-based care.

 

 

One Final Thought

If there is one thing I hope every parent remembers after reading this article, it is this.

 

Your worth as a mother is not measured by a perfect latch on day one.

 

It is not measured by how quickly breastfeeding becomes easy.

 

It is not measured by how your journey compares with someone else’s.

 

You are learning. Your baby is learning. And learning takes time.

 

If you are expecting a baby, prepare for breastfeeding just as you prepare for birth.

 

If you are already breastfeeding and finding it harder than you imagined, please know that asking for help is never a sign of failure. It is one of the strongest things you can do for yourself and your baby.

 

If you are in the Klang Valley and would like personalised breastfeeding support, antenatal education or guidance throughout your breastfeeding journey, you are always welcome at Breastfeed with Simran in Bangsar.

 

My team and I have had the privilege of supporting thousands of families, and our greatest joy is helping parents replace fear with confidence and uncertainty with reassurance.

 

Because breastfeeding is not something mothers are simply born knowing how to do. It is a skill. Like every skill, it can be learned.

 

And no mother should ever have to learn it alone.