So the big B-day is approaching. On the outside, you’re laid-back – you’re the man, nothing fazes you, bring it on!

But on the inside, you’re a blubbering heap of jelly with no idea what to expect.

Have you seen the film Jaws?

It’s a bit like that. Well no, not exactly like Jaws. It’s extremely unlikely, for instance, that you will be eaten by a shark during the birth or that Richard Dreyfuss will make an appearance.

But there is one huge similarity between the two – Fear of The Unknown.

So right here is where we’re going to harpoon that fear and answer some of those questions that are (secretly) giving you
nightmares.

 

Q: What if I don’t want to be at the birth?

The unknown is scary, and it’s natural to want to avoid what scares us. But the answer to this question is simple – be there!
You simply must be at the birth of your child, no matter how much you’d rather be drowning your anxieties in a pub. You must be there for three very important reasons.

Firstly, your spouse needs you. She’s doing the difficult bit and you have to be strong for her. Secondly, it’s the birth of your child! There is no greater experience in the world. Thirdly, you’ll regret it if you miss it. You can’t relive the moment. It’s the single most magical human experience and it would be tragic for that experience to pass you by. Be there.

 

 

Q:  Will I be able to stay with my spouse for the entire duration of labour?

 

 

Before she’s in established labour, she might end up on the antenatal ward – for example, if she’s having a long, slow induction – and on those occasions, you’ll have to obey visiting hours. But once labour kicks in, her nails will be digging into your hand so hard, wild horses couldn’t drag you away.

However, in extreme situations, if a nurse or doctor tells you to get out of the way, do it. If there are complications, you will so listen to them.

 

 

Q: How will I cope with seeing her in pain?

 

 

You’ll cope because you have to. The reason women give birth, rather than blokes, is that women are infinitely tougher than
men. And thank your lucky stars, as giving birth involves some very real pain. So be there for her. Hold her hand. Help her breathe. Encourage her through each and every contraction if you can. If you wimp out she’s on her own, so bury your feelings and help her as much as you can. Accept that you can’t take the pain away, but can help her face it with your loving support.

Bear in mind that the best way to kill your fears is to be prepared. So ask questions at antenatal classes, read magazines and learn everything you can about what will happen. Knowledge is power, so go empower yourself.

 

 

Q: Will I still fancy her after seeing her give birth?

Of course, you will! Remember, though, that after everything she’s been through, her ‘needs’ might not be quite as high a priority as your own. Give her a little space in the bedroom department. You may find that after seeing her give birth to your baby, you fancy her in a new way – you may find you love and admire her more now she’s a mum. And, of course, along with having a baby comes to nature’s own boob job!

 

 

Q: What if I pass out?

If you flake out, the first thing you’ll know about it is waking up, feeling a little odd. Lots of men worry about not coping and embarrassing themselves, but almost all pull through with flying colours. You’ll probably impress yourself (and your spouse) with how well you cope. But to be on the safe side, keep yourself hydrated and eat some of the snacks you packed in the labour bag to keep your energy levels up. If you do faint, make sure you get yourself together as quickly as you can. You still have a job to do!

 

Q: Where should I stand so I don’t get in the way?

 

 

Labour can be a lengthy business and you’ll probably have lots of time for the doctor to move you if you get in the way. You’ll probably sit by your spouse’s side (when she lies down), follow her around (when she paces about) and take her to the loo (when she needs to go). Your main role is simply to be there, so don’t worry about having to do anything specifically.

Make sure you’re close enough to hold her hand and mop her brow and be positioned so you can quickly change your focus when the baby starts to arrive – you don’t want to miss that!

 

 

Q: How can I help her stick to her birth plan?

A lot of couples put an almighty amount of work into their birth plans, which can help to focus you and make you think about your preferences regarding the birth.

However, the most important thing about any birth plan is that you have to be prepared to change it. It’s like being a boxing manager. So, if your spouse has decided she wants to manage without pain relief, then in the heat of the moment realises maybe she was a little hasty, don’t even think of holding back the anesthetist from administering some.

 

 

Q: If she needs Caesarean, will I go with her?

 

 

Almost always, yes. However, remember that it’s major surgery and the doctors and nurses have a job to do, so just do exactly what they tell you. There will be circumstances where, in order for the experts to be able to do their jobs, you will be asked to leave the theatre. This is rare, but, if you’re asked to go, just go. Someone will explain exactly what’s going on.

 

 

Q: What if I can’t deal with strangers looking at my spouse’s body?

 

 

Blokes ( a man) generally can’t bear the thought of other men looking at their better half. It’s normal. However, giving birth is not really a ‘normal’ occurrence. Once the whole business is underway, the fact she’s legs akimbo in front of strangers won’t
even register.

You won’t want to hear it, but birth and its aftermath is not a pretty sight. There will be blood, there will be screaming, but you know what? It’s just another thing you cope with, like thousands of other dads every single day.

When it comes to it, you won’t be ashamed, embarrassed, or want to thump the obstetrician for checking out your missus– you’ll just be hugely proud of her for bringing your baby into the world.